i was coming home today when they showed the world's funniest animals on tv mobile. it was about animals, mostly dogs and cats who 'dreamt' while sleeping.. haha, the summary of what the animals are dreaming of, coupled with the visual effects were really very funny. couldn't help but to smile widely at those antics. it evoked some memories in me, that usually, i would tend to leave untouched since august last year. i'm reminded of how gigi ( my deceased dog) loved to burrow into my blankets when i'm sleeping. you will get a huge shock especially when you did not expect something furry, warm and er, fat, to be pressin against you. for days that i sleep in, she would always, always dig under my pillow, and plonk herself right underneath it. and there you have, her being comfortably sandwiched between the bed and the pillow, while i have to sleep without the pillow....otherwise i might squashed her to death. haiz, the master and dog roles have been reversed.. then at night, i have a sudden urge to drink coke. as i was smuggling it inside my bedroom, so as to not let daniel, the youngest nephew know about it and kick up a fuss that he also wants to drink, i am reminded of how in the past, whenever its about nine pm, i will or my mum, will have to go pour out a bowl of coke for gigi to drink. if not, she will come scratching at your legs.. and her claws are long.. so its like dammed painful... it has been abt six months?? that she has passed away, but it still felt so unreal. i mean, its like, i can kinda expect her to be coming out of my bedroom now, as i'm typing this, cos she would be sleeping before this, and then coming out to have her dinner..

cherish the things that you have around you now, cos you would regret it once they are gone. time can't be reversed, looking back will only bring more sorrow, especailly for those who had not come to terms with the loss. have i come to terms with her passing away? i'm not sure. but what i know is, a part of me had gone away with her, on that day when she left me. its burned into ashes. like what she is now. i don't like crying and i usually will stop myself from crying whenever i'm faced with things that upset me. cos i always feel that crying is a weakness. buten, sometimes, when i;m reminded of her, or when i feel lonely in the house, tears would tend to come.. i have never realise the joy of having her in my life that explictly until she left me. if she did not die, i'm sure that she would be sleeping on top of my sch bag.. she loved to do so.. and then, when she got up, there will surely be fur stuck to my bag..

i missed the way she would badger us to give her food even though she already ate, or to play with her. i missed the way she would stare and growl at my youngest nephew whenever he tried to pull her tail. i missed the way i used to cheer her on, to bite my nephews if they ever tried to bully her. and of course, the way my mum would 'scold' me and say 'yao si ar' in chinese whenever we do that. i missed the way i always irritate her and wake her up from her nap when i came home. she never greeted me you know, she would only come out an greet my mum cos my mum would be the one bringing our meals back, for days that she don't cook.. that dog is clever sia..

till now, whenever daniel, the younger nephew sees some animals, even polar bears, on the tv or books, he would go ' there, gigi, gigi'... last time, i would say, gigi sleeping la, or she's here not there, stupid. but now, i don't even make any comments. its the same for my mum too. we would used to laughed over how other huge animals like the polar bear can remind my nephew about my dog.. one of my fav topic with my mum in the past is to chat over how naughty gigi had been the previous day, either taking a very long time to finish her dinner, or how she had bullied my nephews in the day.. and of course, i would always stand on her side.. thats obvious...i would not know how long i need to really get over her, but i do know that she would live in my heart always... haiz....

she trying to smirk at me...