i don't don't feel like studying econs.. haha.. i did look at them today, yesterday, the day before and blah.. haiz.. feel like ponning tmr lol...but i shall be guai and attend all the lessons.. haha...

hm, just scolded my nephews for being too noisy... buten they still continued to make noise now.. maybe i wasn't fierce enough.. haha.. kids, are kids... maybe i shall go think of some punishments for them, just to make them quiet.. good idea.. haha

i was coming home today when they showed the world's funniest animals on tv mobile. it was about animals, mostly dogs and cats who 'dreamt' while sleeping.. haha, the summary of what the animals are dreaming of, coupled with the visual effects were really very funny. couldn't help but to smile widely at those antics. it evoked some memories in me, that usually, i would tend to leave untouched since august last year. i'm reminded of how gigi ( my deceased dog) loved to burrow into my blankets when i'm sleeping. you will get a huge shock especially when you did not expect something furry, warm and er, fat, to be pressin against you. for days that i sleep in, she would always, always dig under my pillow, and plonk herself right underneath it. and there you have, her being comfortably sandwiched between the bed and the pillow, while i have to sleep without the pillow....otherwise i might squashed her to death. haiz, the master and dog roles have been reversed.. then at night, i have a sudden urge to drink coke. as i was smuggling it inside my bedroom, so as to not let daniel, the youngest nephew know about it and kick up a fuss that he also wants to drink, i am reminded of how in the past, whenever its about nine pm, i will or my mum, will have to go pour out a bowl of coke for gigi to drink. if not, she will come scratching at your legs.. and her claws are long.. so its like dammed painful... it has been abt six months?? that she has passed away, but it still felt so unreal. i mean, its like, i can kinda expect her to be coming out of my bedroom now, as i'm typing this, cos she would be sleeping before this, and then coming out to have her dinner..

cherish the things that you have around you now, cos you would regret it once they are gone. time can't be reversed, looking back will only bring more sorrow, especailly for those who had not come to terms with the loss. have i come to terms with her passing away? i'm not sure. but what i know is, a part of me had gone away with her, on that day when she left me. its burned into ashes. like what she is now. i don't like crying and i usually will stop myself from crying whenever i'm faced with things that upset me. cos i always feel that crying is a weakness. buten, sometimes, when i;m reminded of her, or when i feel lonely in the house, tears would tend to come.. i have never realise the joy of having her in my life that explictly until she left me. if she did not die, i'm sure that she would be sleeping on top of my sch bag.. she loved to do so.. and then, when she got up, there will surely be fur stuck to my bag..

i missed the way she would badger us to give her food even though she already ate, or to play with her. i missed the way she would stare and growl at my youngest nephew whenever he tried to pull her tail. i missed the way i used to cheer her on, to bite my nephews if they ever tried to bully her. and of course, the way my mum would 'scold' me and say 'yao si ar' in chinese whenever we do that. i missed the way i always irritate her and wake her up from her nap when i came home. she never greeted me you know, she would only come out an greet my mum cos my mum would be the one bringing our meals back, for days that she don't cook.. that dog is clever sia..

till now, whenever daniel, the younger nephew sees some animals, even polar bears, on the tv or books, he would go ' there, gigi, gigi'... last time, i would say, gigi sleeping la, or she's here not there, stupid. but now, i don't even make any comments. its the same for my mum too. we would used to laughed over how other huge animals like the polar bear can remind my nephew about my dog.. one of my fav topic with my mum in the past is to chat over how naughty gigi had been the previous day, either taking a very long time to finish her dinner, or how she had bullied my nephews in the day.. and of course, i would always stand on her side.. thats obvious...i would not know how long i need to really get over her, but i do know that she would live in my heart always... haiz....

she trying to smirk at me...

Sincerity is something that can only be shown through actions and not, simply, by mere, plain words. it is also something which cannot be faked. lets face it... do we prefer to have friends who might have their own flaws, but yet, who will treat you with absolute loyalty, have trust in you and most importantly, they will not hide behind a mask everytime they deal with matters, or do we want to have friends who tries too hard to play the good person everytime?? i don't really know why, but i just can't seem to tolerate such personalities in the latter case..everyone is imperfect, no matter how hard we try, we will sure have some character traits that are not too favourable. i don't think that i have the best personality too, but at least i'm true to myself...

having minor ups and downs during the phase of your life is very, very common. hence i don't see the need for one to be so er,.. upset?? or emotionally disturbed for Too long a period. and i shall emphasize again, its MINOR upsets during the long course of your life...whats the use of moping around when the thing that you really need to do, is to pull up your socks, and to give the best effort in the things that had disheartened you..that's a reason why i can't stand well, you-know-what and you-know-who.. sorry, the Harry Potter craze is coming back.. can't resist in using those terms.. haha..

anyway, on a brighter note.. i FINALLY passed my chem test.. wohoo... yesh, MEOWW~~~~.. lol...i passed i passed i passed.. haha.. lets just hope that i can start passing my other tests too.. lol, though i don't really dare to bear much hope on maths.. hehe..well, maths and me just dislike each other from the first sight.. haha, there's love at first sight so there is definitely dislike at first sight.. its my logic anyway..

our principal had announced that they would put in an appeal to MOE, for our PW results, as the sch felt that the grades can be improved.. well, a lot of us don't think that there will be much changes or even any, i mean, since when they do?? haha... but nonetheless, we felt a tiny surge of hope rushing through us when we heard the news.. tsk tsk.., typical s'poreans.. haha...

meow.. just received my PW comments today.. well, i rather not received it.. i dun mind a B, buten, after reading the excellent comments that the examiners gave me for OP, wah... i really felt very pissed... cos now, i knew that its all those written stuff that pulled me down, from PI to I & R blah.. meow...

anyway, sch was rather alright today surprisingly, though there were a few things that well, evoked my, erm, pissed off feelings... well, perhaps that's not exactly the right word but I'm don't know what else can aptly describe the mood that i was in then.. haha..

i believed that in this society, everyone hides our true colours behind a mask, i don't think that is a bad thing, since we do need to protect ourselves from being hurt to a certain extent. such a behaviour is an innate instinct that each and everyone of us will possess. The only difference being the degree of how much we reveal our true self to others. perhaps i'm one who is rather straightforward, which attributes to why i kinda dislike hypocrites, and those who do things with a hidden agenda. that's why, i feel rather put off when one tries very strongly to defend himself or herself over their actions and behaviour to others, to deny their true intentions, when it is so super duper obvious to us, what they are trying to do or had done. Maybe i'm just being too skeptical or reading too much into it, but then, such a situation has happened more than once...

i love to look at things in different perspectives, though i may not be able to do it always.. hence, i welcome discussions which really stretches my mind to think in depth.. maybe that's another reason why i'm so interested in psychology. haha, and that's the one major reason i really like my favourite class so much( this is not sarcasm, i really like it)..but i don't like it, when one tries to argue their way through, when the facts are blatantly placed in front of them. hypothetical issues are defined as such, is precisely because they hadn't occurred before. whats more, i believe that when we are engaged in a lively discussion, its important to hear what the other party has to say first, without interrupting them in the middle of their explanations. otherwise, one would just be going about in circles, because they didn't grasp the true meaning of what the other party is trying to explain. but the thing that really irritates me is the fact that when one comes to a conclusion, they actually reiterates the other party's points, while sounding that that's the points they had wanted to show or tell us since the start. then whats the point of the earlier discussion??? isn't it a waste of time?? haiz... whats the use of playing the role of a good person??? its actually quite pointless right... haha.. well.. think i shan't go further, otherwise..... hehe.....meow... actually i think i should go eat some supper.. all this tying has make me hungry again..

Genetic engineering... designer babies.. and finally, abortion...
these were the topics for discussion for yesterday's sch gp lesson.. and amazingly, i left with even stronger conviction of what i have always felt...personally, i do not agree with manipulating the foetus genes, just to create a genius, or one who will above the rest.. i mean, if fate gives you a child, why is there still a need to tweak with his genes to make him better? from a religious point of view, we are God's creation and therefore, we are the best in his eyes. if we go ahead and change the dna, its like telling Him that your creation is not perfect.. from a pragmatist point of view.. why do we need to waste that hundreads of thousands dollars to create a genius child, who might still give the parents' same old nightmares.. lol..

But the abortion issue is where the main differences came in.. . i'm sure there are differing opinions even in our group, but thats not the main issue here. however i agree with what Royal Mouse had commented.

how should abortion be justified? if the baby is going to be born with birth defects, like being handicapped or with down's syndrome, are we going to abort him or give them a chance to live?
if the parents are financially stabled and really, are convinced that they can provide the love for this child, then by all means, have the child.. however, have we actually wondered if thats really the best thing for the child? as he is growing up, perhaps there are some areas in our society that will accept him fully as what he is, but lets not bluff ourselves, is the whole society really going to the same?? i don't believe that. have we ever considered the psychological effects that the child's going to face?? yes, the parents will be there to help soften the impact, but how long can they do that. humans are bound to die one day... if the child's emotional support is gone one day, what will happen?? furthermore, lets zoom in to the parent's perspective.. people around them might labelled them as noble, since they are willing to sacrifice for their own flesh and blood. the whole family might still be loovey doovey for the first few years. yet, is there a possiblilty that this situation might change in a few more years? humans are not perfect. will there be one day when the parents grew tire of taking care of the child? will the child be a start for disagreements between the parents, or even leading to the break up of the marriage?? all these are possible scenarios, not to be dismissed. if things are going to end up like this, which i hope not, then won't it cause another emotional blow to the child, as he believes that he is the underlying root, like a jinx??

but of cos, i don't agree using abortion just and when we like. its still a life anyway. i support considering abortion as an option only when there might be birth defects or danger to the mother...

lets move on to the next scenario. what if one is raped, and gotten pregnant? and what if you are living in a community that frowns upon unwed mother, and even, to the horrors, one who was raped.. if abortion is a ticket for this girl to a completely new lease of life, will you encourage the girl to do so?? most importantly, this child is not conceived with love, its conceived with hatred?? furthermore, do you think its good for the child to learn that he existed because his father raped his mother?? yes, of course, one can carry the child to full term and then give him up for adoption..but then again, is it really a better alternative? to some , the latter may be a better one..

after a long chat with royal mouse, im rather convinced that one should really have a stand on whatever issue there may be. if we agree with someone simply becasue we don't wish to offend them, then, well, haha.. some things are better left unsaid..

the pair of notorious nephews.. *shudders*

from left: lewis and daniel trying to pose...

hmm.. gotten a B for my pw... not sure whether is good or bad.. was hoping for an A though. but never mind.. life still goes on...

haha.. wushu competition is finally over.. yesh.. finally a chance to really relax... its not that bad as i thought it was.. haha...hmm.. gotten 7th and 9th out of the two events i competed in.. yea

we went to this secondary sch for the 5 days competition.. i have to say.. comparing the toliets, TJ's toliets are like first class.... the stench from the sch's toliets are so bad... and its not just contained to one cubicle or a day in particular... almost fainted while i was in there..whew, actually i think that sac's toliets are the best... didn't encounter such problems.. while i was there durin the whole 10 years

i am really really very very convinced that i can't do maths at all.... haiz..... whats wrong with the education system?? why do we need to learn about stuff like 'poison' and binomal distribution rubbish... and about vectors and trigo.. i mean unless u want to be an architecture or maths teacher or enginneer, i doubt we will be using those stuff in the future... wah... really felt like tearing up the maths stuff into pieces... yucks yucks yucks

didn't know how me and my mum went into this topic but anyway, while we were chatting this afternoon, she said that the best thing for a girl to do, is NOT to get married.. why have the need to be tied down by a family, when one can just earn and spend all the money in anyway we want??? especially when troubles and problems would surface in a relationship. then there will be much unneeded heartache.. haix... haha... but this also solves a problem for me next time when i say that i dun want to get married...one less pressure to face i think... hahaha...

bleah

is there anything real anymore about 'happily ever after'?? whatever happen to promises and vows and commitment to each other?? haiz... relationships are really very troublesome.. this reminds me of te song jay chou sang, that 'ting ma ma de hua'... seriously, its best not to be in relationships at this age... haiz

lets talk about something happier...me, ivy and heng pei went to k box and parkway today... haha.. we had our usual and even crazier behaviour... the k box parkway is so much nicer than the marina square one.. at least thats what i think... haha.. hmm... well.. just feel like writing something... haha.. think i shall just stop and go sleep.. brain juicies are drained off le..

me in my room...

Looking back on the past 17 years of my life…I begin to wonder what is the true meaning of ‘life’ per se. What exactly have I done in the past 17 years that I am really proud of, that I really felt that its meaningful? Studies make up a huge part of my life but after studying for so many years, what have it done for me? I may gain more intellectually but that is only confined within the syllabus of the textbooks. Many things in this world are still beyond my limits. It’s the routine that all of us have to go through; the conformity of it makes me ponder what exactly is the meaning of living life to the fullest? Does that phrase only applies when we have started working, so that we can splurge on material needs to satisfy our wants? But how are we supposed to comprehend what is living life to the fullest, especially when we spend a large part of our waking hours just going through a usual routine? Enjoying a day or two out, having no need to worry about our studies for that limited period of time don’t exactly mean that we are living life to the fullest life right? The privilege of having fun with our family or friends aren’t something special, it’s our right isn’t it? But other than doing that, how else are we supposed to live life to the fullest? Hobbies only exist when we truly have the time to appreciate them. hmm... well.. maybe i'll be able to come up with something that might answer my own doubts soon..